Titanrick
by BialystockAndBloom
Summary: Morty needs to relax, so Rick takes him on a vacation to one of the most luxurious space-cruisers in the entire universe: The Mega-Titanic. Hey, the name's just a coincidence though, right? Nothing to worry about, I'm sure. (Rated T for language. Be sure to rate and criticize - this is my first story, and I want to not be horrible!)


As per usual, Rick busted into Morty's room, shot a portal on the wall, and screamed, "Morty! Y-you gotta wake up, Morty! C'mon, Morty, we're goin' on an adventure!"

However, instead of responding with a, "Aw, geez, Rick, can't I sleep in once or twice?", he responded with a blood-curdling, " ** _AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH!_** " as he blindly thrashed about.

Rick paused for a second and looked at his grandson. "Holy shit, Morty, calm down, man! C-c'mon, calm down! Ca _EEEUGH_ lm down." He placed his hand on Morty's shoulder, taking a seat on the bed.

Calming down, Morty slowly opened his eyes. "O-oh. Hey, Rick, w-what's up?".

"Well, honestly, I, I was just going over to another universe to grab some b- grab some booze, but you're h-having a fucking conniption fit over here. Christ, Morty, what's go _UURR_ tten into you?" asked Rick.

Morty rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Aw, I'm sorry, Rick. I was just having a, uh, a pretty bad nightmare. I've just been kind of on edge here for a while, you know?"

"M-Morty, you're fourteen years old. What could you be on edge ab-abou-about?"

"Well, uh, you know, there's that whole thing about school, and me failing it-"

"School's for sucks, Morty, you, you can't let it get you down."

"And I'm pretty sure my parents hate each other-"

"Morty, that's a good thing. I'd get worried if Beth didn't hate that, uh, that, that-that-that shitcock Jerry."

"And, you know, I'm just all stressed out over Jessica-"

"Ugh, Morty, we've been over this, love isn't r-real. Don't worry about it!"

Morty huffed a little bit. "Well, you know, I know it's easy for you to, to discard all of your problems or whatever, but it's, it's _not_ that easy for me, pal! You can just, you can grab your magic little flask or whatever, and all your problems fade away, but that doesn't work for me, Jack!" He drew out a long sigh. "I just need a break every now and again, you know? I'm not strong like you. I just need to back off every now and again."

Rick sat in silence for a moment before grunting in agreement. "Tell y'what, kid," he said, standing up, "I'm gonna pop into another dimension for a second, and I'm gonna come back with a little present for you, okay?"

"What?" asked Morty, taken aback by Rick's out-of-the-blue act of generosity.

"Yeah," Rick replied, shooting a portal. "J-just sit tight there, I'll be right back."

He walked through the portal, leaving Morty to wonder what he could be off to get.

* * *

Rick popped back through the portal. "Heyyyy, look at what I got!" he said with a grin, holding out two tickets.

"Golly, Grandpa Rick! What are those?" asked Morty.

"They're tickets for an all-expenses paid vacation, Morty! It's gonna be a _fun_ time, Morty, and we're gonna bond over the course of the vacation, and there's not gonna be any dangerous aliens, and we're all gonna be happy!" Rick chuckled and tussled Morty's hair.

"That sure sounds swell, Grandpa Rick! Where's the vacation to?"

"Well, it's to-"

Rick was cut off in mid sentence when another Rick entered the room through a portal and pointed a gun at his head.

"Rick C-137," he introduced himself. "Hand over those tickets and nobody gets hurt."

"Who's that guy, Grandpa Rick?!" Morty asked his grandfather, clutching onto his sleeve.

"Well, he's certainly no-one we need to worry about, Morty, because his gun is obviously broken," replied Morty's grandfather with a smug grin on his face.

Rick fired off a warning shot next to the other Rick's head, leaving a noticeable hole in the wall behind him.

"Alright, n-now that we've established that I ain't no pussy-ass bitch, I's sugge _EEEH_ est you just - you just hand over those tickets, pal."

"What tickets?" asked the other Rick.

"The - the ones in your hand, dipshit! Fucking hell! Just, c'mon, The Citadel of Ricks is already on my ass, and I don't need blowing out another Rick's brains - however small they may be - to be added to my charges."

"Wait, you're C-137? What are you talking about, buddy? They _love_ you down there!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rick queried, disgusted. He glanced down at his portal gun. "Aww, son of a bitch! Of course with m-my luck, I'd end up in J-439, the, uh, the 'Compulsive Liar' dimension!"

"Hey, don't say that! I'm not a compulsive liar!" Rick J-439 retorted.

"Yeah, of course _you'd_ say you're not a compulsive liar. Now just, just, c'mon, pal, I need these tickets for my Morty. He's been through some shit and I want him to have a nice vacation."

"Yeah, well, maybe _my_ Morty's been through some shit too!"

"Yeah, _my_ Morty had to bury his own corpse because he killed everyone in his home dimension and had to hop to another dimension where we had just died."

"Oh yeah? Well... well my Morty had to do that, but _twice_! Yeah, bitch, got you there!" Rick J-439 laughed and pointed at Rick C-137.

This proved to be a mistake for Rick J-439 because he pointed with his ticket-holding hand, allowing Rick C-137 to simply grab the tickets from his hand.

"Yoink!" he exclaimed before hopping back through his own portal.

Confused, Morty J-439 looked up to Rick J-439. "What the hell was that, Grandpa Rick? Are there other Ricks and Morties out there?"

"Nah, he's the only other one out there. It's just, uh..." Rick J-439 rubbed the back of his neck, trying to come up with an excuse. "It's that that he's, uh... from the 'Compulsive Liar' dimension."

* * *

Rick popped back through the portal. "Heyyyy, look at what I got!" he said with a grin, holding out two tickets.

Morty looked up. "What are those for?"

"I don't know," he admitted, taking a swig from his flask. "But I stole them from a universe where their Rick and Morty had the best vacation of their lives on this thing, so that's, that's gotta mean something, Morty. This is gonna be a pretty bitchin' vacation, Morty. Y-y'gotta trust me on that. It's gonna make spring break in Fort Lauderdale look like a Christian youth festival, Morty. You know, like, one of those weird little fairs where the main attraction is like, one really sad clown, and-and there's that weird minister passing out religious tracts to all the kids that are probably too graphic for the kids to read, and, and like, the target demographic is supposedly teenagers and college-aged youths, but it's always, like, six-year-olds and their grandmothers, and just, everyone's really uncomfortable as they drive past it, and you have to imagine so is everyone involved, but, you know, you just let them live their lives or whatever."

"What are you talking about, Rick?"

"Hey, don-don't wo _UUUU_ rry about it, Morty. Just - this is gonna be a _really_ good vacation. You know what? Let's, let's go there right now, actually! Pack your shit, Morty! We're going on a vacation! _Yeah_!"

* * *

Morty jumped through the portal, his fully-packed suitcase under his arm. Rick only had a duffel bag containing a change of clothes, basic toiletries, and a good amount of alcohol. According to him, those were the only things anyone ever needed.

"Well, Morty, here we are, Morty! We're at the place!" he said, excitedly.

"Uh, Rick..."

"Yep, here we are, fun times all around! All right!"

"Rick..."

"Just think Morty, th-this is apparently _the_ place to be in universe J-439, and also C-137, probably! Some people wait their whole lives to get here! I'm already pumped, Morty! Woo!"

"Rick, did, uh, did you..."

"Morty, what do you want? Aren't you excited to be here?"

"Well, yeah, I'm grateful to be here and all, but, uh, did, did you do a lot of research on this place before you came here?"

"Well, no, but, you know, I've heard some pretty good things about this place by word of mouth. Why?"

"Oh, uh, it's just that the name of this place is makin' me a little nervous is all."

"What are you talking about, Morty?" Rick asked, before turning around to look at the name painted on the side of the massive space-cruiser.

"Mega-Titanic", it read.

"So? No need to worry about that, Morty," Rick assured him. "It's, it's not like we're getting on the, uh, on the Lusitania here, or the Edmund Fitzgerald. Don't sweat it."

Morty glared at him.

"What?" Rick asked, defensively.


End file.
